I always blog best and apparently start companies while angry. What it took today was the implication that I was a liar, so here we go…I will speak from the American female point of view because well, that’s my point of view. As always I tell my story. This is an admittedly scattered commentary, far away from my normal highly focused blog.
We are all a good judge of character...until we’re not
This has been a re-occurring theme over the last couple months of my life; professionally, personally, and everywhere in between. The question has come up: “are there honest and genuine people in the world?” To this question I answer, ‘there are very few, but they are out there.’
Women in this country are interesting. As I have said time and time again we are trained to be in constant competition and as a byproduct, to hate other women. After all, our identity is defined by what a man wants right? This suddenly relinquishes from the responsibility of self-discovery and being ones true self (Song playing: “In Time” by PeaceTreaty). If a man defines our being, why search for our true meaning? Living a fabricated life is much easier than a real one. Playing a character is easier than being yourself. Be nice, be classy, tread lightly, don’t have an attitude, be what a man wants. This will get you one and only one thing, a husband.
Many people blatantly lie. Beyond the normal fluffing of the personal feathers, we aren’t taught in the Unites States to be our true self, so many people lie. There is an amazing consistency among the manipulative and abusers; everything is someone else’s fault. These types need someone to blame in order to deflect their current state. Perhaps this seems like a random parallel, but I thought it was important to mention. As many of you know I follow astrology and well, this needed to be said.
Why are you single?
I wish I could shock someone everytime they ask me this question. My immediate response is, “why not?” My entire life course has suggested that I have to somehow lighten my character and be more agreeable to find a man. When I walk into a room, women will hold their man closer as if I’m some siren there to seduce them. Just the other day at a pool alongside a stunning group of women, a woman across the pool held her man close giving the occasional glare over. They proceeded to enact a potential scene from a soft porno on the side of the pool as if there was something to prove. Now, I know at this point people are saying, you’re so judgey! Not quite, the behavior was easily interpreted. To me being single is a decision. I could have been married at least three times by now if I was willing to settle for what just came my way. There is no reason to settle.
Being an ENTJ
This is where the professional realm comes in. I have a rare personality type and well, it is intense. I share it with Bill Gates, Jim Carrey, George Clooney, Margaret Thatcher, and several dictators. Mind you, I am not saying this to toot my own horn as being this personality type has been…well…a thing. It is generally maddening in fact. I have a hard time relating to…anyone. I insist and will die doing things my way. I take no bullshit, am brutally honest, and can see through anyone’s BS. To top it off, I still have an incredible memory and can pick apart any lie you tell me (Song playing: “Don’t Leave” by Seven Lions). People often inquire if I am a lawyer as I can easily pick apart statements, documents, and the like. Needless to say, the people I attract as close friends and colleagues respect this about me. I’m constantly identify and picking apart problems providing a unique solutions. They share my intensity, significant work ethic, and commitment to my passion. Find your passion and there will be no space for the weak (Song playing: “Blue” by Halsey).
I have spent the last couple months having my professionalism being challenged and I broke. The sheer barrage of questioning of my ethics and bullying became intolerable. Until I took back my power. There is no questioning your core once you’ve found it. This is always why I encourage people to find theirs.
It is hard to watch people we care about fall but sometimes they have to f’ing fall to learn
This is another very prominent theme lately. It seems that people around me at the moment are distinctly rising/ascending or falling hard. The tricky part about this is, I believe as humans we don’t genuinely want people to fail or struggle; however, these are our most poignant learning moments. I always rather be open and honest than to crash and burn with someone. We in this country most recently constantly stress reward as opposed to education through failure.
When I started the social entrepreneurship and civic engagement program for teens in Marin City something I said at the very beginning that got a lot of kick back about was, ‘no one in this world is going to give a crap about you, you have to work your ass off for everything.’ To me it was the best entrepreneurship advice; however, I was up against a culture of “you can do anything you want.” This is a culture that failed millennials (you catch my radio show on August 8th at 7pm for more info). It isn’t to say that with hard work kids can’t be whatever they want, but to me saying this is arbitrary because our education system is not focused toward develop skills for success. It does not address the individual adversity of students or the struggles they will have to address, one of which being that after high school you are on your own. The sooner teens recognize that, the better they will be. Resilience is the issue. Children aren’t taught resilience, they are taught an action and reward method (Song playing: Sun don’t shine” by Klangkarussle). This has no bearing in the real world.
The Unbreakable Backbone
I have strategically avoided having direct reports most my career. As it goes, if you are progressing in your career, eventually you will have employees. It was never because I wasn’t a good manager, but it was the sheer terror of people relying on me. One of the highlights of my entire year was one of my employees saying, “I just have to say, you are inspiring because of your ability to hold to your morals and ethics, I’ve never seen anything like it.” Perhaps not necessary to mention, but this employee is about 20 years my senior so I was honored. Suddenly my awkward disposition came out because I didn't know how to respond. I don’t do what I do to put accolades or awards up on the wall. I don’t even do it to catch compliments from time to time. I do it because it is what I am supposed to.
While I feel that it is sometimes to my detriment, I do stick by my morals and ethics. No one can convince me otherwise. This is isn’t to say I don’t listen and learn from others. Even yesterday I had an amazing conversation with a set of elderly friends in downtown Sonoma. I learned all about their story growing up in San Francisco and their careers. I had a clear connection with the man who shared my SF Italian story. These stories help add ornaments to the tree, but the tree remains. Everyone once in a while a new branch will grow and another will die off. Perhaps some leaves will have slight variance, but the core is still there (Song playing: “Until the Sun Needs to Rise” Rufus du Sol).
Stick by your guns friends.